On inner peace and blogging and dying and sex. Oh my.

I love blogging.  It makes me about as happy as anything I do.  I thought about it for years and didn’t do it.  I don’t know why – I think I was afraid I had nothing to say – nothing worthwhile.  I was afraid I would run out of “stuff”, but I don’t think that is happening.  Not yet anyway.

This is my life.  This is my blog.  This is my expression of feelings.  This is me.  You don’t have to like me.  I would like it if you did but the other is OK too.

It’s my practice book, my true confessions, my intellectual and emotional vomit, my autobiography, my silly tales, my thoughts, hopes, dreams, my guts, my hurts, my triumphs and my disappointments – my story.

When I was a child I used to write fictional dialogue in my head all the time.  And I mean all the time.  In my mind, I turned all situations into stories – usually semi-autobiographical in nature, often dramatic, humorous, sarcastic or some combination thereof.

Now blogging is a little like that.  I don’t know anymore if I have it in me to write a big fictional story but I know I do have it in me to document my life and my feelings.  To explore and to learn.  Most of my blogs have been well-received and the more I write, the more I am read and I love that.  And I want to again say THANK YOU for reading.  I say it every time I put up a post and I mean it.  It is not something I say to “just be polite” but something that comes from my heart.  I appreciate each and every one of you who takes a few minutes out of your busy day to read what I have written.

I read an article on the internet recently about the “Top Five Regrets of the Dying“.  Here they are…

1.  I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2.  I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
3.  I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4.  I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5.  I wish that I had let myself be happier

I blog to share.  I blog to help myself not have any of these regrets and this writing I do here goes a long way toward eliminating 1 and 3.  And number 5 gets a kick too.  Blogging makes me happy and helps me to know what I need to be happier still.  I blog to throw my feelings out there and hopefully to find out if anyone else feels the same way.  This may be asking a lot of some.  I don’t think everyone wants their innermost feelings to be known.  But I do.  I hate secrets.  I think for the most part they are not healthy.  I think most of us have more in common than we will ever know because we don’t say what we feel.  I don’t think anyone will ever say that of me.  Ever.

Number 4 – I do pretty good at that one.  Always have.  I remember a few years back I tracked down someone with whom I was very good friends in the late 70’s when we lived in Florida.  I could tell she thought I was weird for calling her.  So that one didn’t go exactly as I had anticipated but that’s OK too.  I tried and I didn’t care that she thought it was strange.  I thought it was fun.

Number 2 – I have learned that one already.  I work hard now for me.  I will work hard for someone else too but I will not dedicate my life to an employer.  I will not become my profession.  I will be me.  Hard-working, good-humored, dedicated when I’m there.  Otherwise, I have a life.  A good one that I enjoy actually.  Do you know that old party game?  Who/what are you in five words?

I used to be
1.  Production Manager

The other 4 didn’t really matter to me.  Some variation of wife, dog-mother, daughter, sister, friend, lover, girlfriend, aunt, reader, cook, traveler, Faux-French, gardener…  But Production Manager came first.

Now it is not that way.  I’m not sure what I am first but I do know that nothing I am has to do with an employer.  And that has gone a long way toward my overall self-improvement plan.  And my inner peace.

Which reminds me of another thing.  A long time ago – probably about 15 years – an old beau asked me what I wanted for my birthday.  I said Sex and Inner Peace.  He gave me sex and a mani/pedi gift certificate.  Both well appreciated by me.  His birthday was shortly after mine and he wanted the same thing.  Not the mani-pedi.

Hopefully I will be lucky enough to continue on my path of enlightenment and self-improvement for many more years to come.  That does sound hokey but I don’t know what else to call it.  And I do believe it.  My newest frontier – aging.  I have had to look at aging a lot lately.  My parents are getting older.  Some of my friends have deceased parents.  One aspect of my life I’m not enjoying a real lot.  So I’m just going to work on having no regrets and attaining inner peace.  And more sex.  That’ll keep me cheery.



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