I had a thought. And it’s not about love or fornication or potato salad…

My friend Maria posted a blog link on Facebook.  Here it is – http://vaginaedamerican.blogspot.com.  And I read and I LOVED!!!

This gave me a thought.  I’m going to try a blog not about love or fornication or potato salad.

Kate Middleton has great outfits, the beautiful Jessica Simpson is naked on the cover of Elle, Whitney Houston OD’d and her daughter is apparently kissing her adopted brother, Rick Santorum and Mitt Romney are arguing if English should be a requirement for Puerto Rico to become a state, Lehigh beat Duke and Norfolk State beat Missouri and your bracket choices are in trouble, a urology center on the Cape is offering free pizza with your vasectomy scheduled during the NCAA tournament – you can even have your consultation on line, when Cookie Johnson met Magic she thought “this could be really good”, Sherri Shepherd may be cheating on DWTS, Snooki is pregnant…

I could go on and on and sometimes I do but really, who gives a fat rat’s ass.

Our economy is in the toilet.  People need jobs and there are none, not too many anyway.  No one can afford gas.  People are losing their homes and living in their cars or on the street.  Homeless shelters turn people away every single day.  The economy is collapsing.  Nuts worldwide are getting Nukes.  Joseph Kony – let’s not let him continue.  Now that we know about him, that would be a more real crime.  We have SEALS and the CIA at our disposal.  Our government keeps saying the unemployment rate is down but its not.  People have exhausted all their money and benefits and have dropped off and dropped out.  Jerry Sandusky raped children and people knew and didn’t say anything.

And Americans are getting all stirred up about birth control.

Not very proud of us today.

River of Honey

My feelings for you were like a molten slow-moving river, warm honey, thick and sticky.  Flowing into all the cracks and crevices – binding us together.  Right from the start.  Probably because I had known you forever, just waiting for a small lightning strike to warm us up enough to move forward.

I think, in our present time in this universe, sex often comes too fast and clouds genuine true feelings.  Sex, lust, love get mixed up in a big stew pot and overwhelm each other until people can’t tell how they really feel.  I have been guilty of this.  But that didn’t happen with us.  We had love first.  The rest just followed naturally.  With you, I knew.  We had been in each other’s hearts for a long, long time.  All we needed was that one little spark to push us in that direction.  And we went.

I believed in you.  Always.  Right up until the dirty, ugly end.  I thought you would be honest with yourself, just snap out of it.  Embrace us.  Our present.  Our future.  Our old age.  I believed you would look in the mirror one morning and say why am I doing this.  Why am I so angry at this woman who accepts me, admires me, loves me and my family, supports me always?  But that is not how it played out, is it?

The problem with the horrible break-ups is that they shake me to my core.  They make me question myself, my judgment.  How can I put my trust in men who can come after me like this.  Two marriages, a big handful of long-term relationships.  Only a couple of them have ended really badly but they are enough to make me question myself.

I am loyal.  From the top of my head right down to the tips of my toes.  When I love you, I love you.  There are no excuses, exceptions.  I am in my relationships, in my life, for the long haul.  I will love you pure and deep and always.  This loyalty causes problems for me.  I never give up.  I believe in the goodness of people.

But I am smart and not too old to learn.  Unfortunately, part of this learning hardens a little corner of my heart.  I do not like that at all and work very hard to warm her up and put her back to her original softened state.  I don’t want to have a steely cool heart.  I think the depth and breadth and pure amount of love and passion I experience in my life is directly correlated to the happiness I feel.  So I work hard to find balance.  To protect myself and to feel it all.

You will never read this.  But I have written it.  One of my blogs that flows effortlessly from my fingertips.  Like the most true ones.

The good you was the best man I have ever known, probably better suited for me than any other.  That made it very hard to let you leave and to make you go.  The bad you was one of the worst men I have ever known.  I’m glad you’re gone.

I don’t miss you at all.

I will miss you always.